Being Candid about Road Rage

Lately, I've been on an "Unplanned-Changes-on-the-Journey-of-Life" kick as I've posted my blogs. Today, though, I want to share a different aspect about the same thing. But please, bear with me. I've already said all there's to be said about unexpected turns, but I want to be completely honest with you about how we handle the unexpected; about how I've handled it. 

As I've made clear, I'm traveling a different road than I thought I'd be on. But would you believe, for all my amazing advice I've shared, I haven't handled it well at all! In fact, I want to kind of highlight the last...oh, say, month. Actually, I believe it goes further back than that even. I'm actually fairly sure it goes back to the end of June. Anyways, here we go.

So, at the end of June I began a six week stint of helping out a Bible camp. An amazing place full of wonderful, encouraging people. It's a good place to be, right? A great place to minister! And I knew this because, last summer, I experienced that. I grew in my walk with God, I visibly impacted kids for Christ and it was just awesome. But this summer was different. I didn't really tell many people, but the whole six weeks I didn't always feel like I was supposed to be there. That's all I'm going to say about that, because I don't know if it was because I was not a great point spiritually or what and I do know that God taught me through it. But I'm beginning to suspect, as I look back, that it had just a little something to do with being done at Bible School and having to step out into "The Real World" when camp was over.

 



You see, until last week, I didn't realize that I was very angry. I can sort of pinpoint the beginnings of this anger to sometime during the course of my final semester at school. I remember getting irritated so easily but instead of just that normal inner frustration, the frustration was accompanied by heat. Inner heat - I'd never experienced that. Fast forward to last week when I became aware of it and started to connect the dots (because I recognized the intense emotions while I was at school, but I hadn't associated them with everything I'd been feeling over the summer). I'm laying there on my bed one morning, not wanting to be productive at all and I found myself just bawling for the second day in a row (now, that's weird even for me, an emotional person). So I just started trying to find the root of my lack of motivation, my desire to be alone all the time, and the fact that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with God. When I came up with the word "anger," I had to then ask myself, "Who am I angry at?" And two people came to mind. I was angry with myself for having not taken steps that I could have taken so that I might be somewhere different in my life. And I was angry with God because He was allowing me to be where I didn't want to be. And this is the whole point of today's post.

I know I talked a big talk about how we should go with God's changes, realizing they're for the better. But I want you to know that I recognize that it's not as easy as hitting the turn signal. That, being the emotional, intellectual and willful beings we are, we struggle when things don't go the way we planned. And all of us react some way. Kudos to those who react in a way that glorifies God; that is awesome. But I know that most people go through a period of denial. I don't know that my response to God's will could especially be labeled "Denial," because I would call it a Temper Tantrum or Road Rage, even. And I share this with you so you realize I am human, too, and I did not follow my own advice. Instead of trust, there was a huge amount of doubt, fear, anger and bitterness towards God for the direction my life is taking.

Now, I'm aware that this would be an awful place to end this blog, but don't worry, I'm not going to. I just want to encourage those of you who are facing painful changes in your lives. Don't get hung up by the negative reaction you may have had. Acknowledge it's there and then take steps towards God. He's awesome about supporting us when we're struggling and wanting to help us. He wants to teach us through the difficulties. And I promise that, if you're going it with God, things will get better in time. It'll get easier to accept where He has you and to start looking for what He wants to teach you. Just take it one mile (or day) at a time :)

Painful Changes on the Journey

“I miss the Shire. I spent all my childhood pretending I was somewhere else – off with you on one of your adventures. But my own adventure turned out to be quite different.” – Frodo

Who can’t identify with this statement? Who is exactly where they expected to be when they were five years old? I know I’m not. I'm aware that I wrote about the changes on a Journey in my last Blog, but it’s something that has been in and out of my thoughts since. It came back to me the other day while I was watching “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.” Frodo, the main character, says this to his Uncle Bilbo as they’re discussing the adventures that one encounters. Obviously, Frodo’s expectations were not met by reality. Instead, he undergoes many painful changes in his adventure. And is this not true in our own lives?

I have already shared where I thought I would be four years ago as I started my freshman year of college. But I never shared what my mindset was one year ago. Last year, I thought that by this time in 2013, I would be in a ministry internship, headed down the road to full-time ministry someday. And what is my life? I’m at home, living an uneventful life, waiting on a call-back from a job interview for an entry-level position at a local store. Not what I thought I would be doing and definitely not what I want to be doing.

It’s easy to become discouraged. Or perhaps even angry at anybody or anything you think seems to have had a hand in bringing you to such a “low” point. Believe me, I know. I look at Frodo’s story in the “Lord of the Rings” and I see that he definitely had moments of despair and times where he felt defeated. And towards the end, he didn’t even seem to have much motivation to follow where his adventure was leading. Things had become hard and he had lost sight of the sun. But there was someone in his life that helped him to keep going; someone who gave a hand up when Frodo was too weary to move and even carried him when he’d lost all strength. And that someone was Frodo’s very dearest friend and companion, Sam. Sam was everything Frodo needed when he needed it. Sam never thought of himself, but thought only of what would be best for Frodo. Sam sacrificed so much to help Frodo continue on in the Journey he’d been called to walk.

I look at Frodo’s darkest moments and I can understand those feelings. Then I look again and see Frodo’s constant companion and I am reminded that I, too, have a constant companion on this never-ending, ever-changing Journey. I have my Creator, who has sacrificed so much (His Son) so that I would never have to be alone. Jesus Christ, my Savior, endured a painful death but thought only of the joy to come (Heb. 12:1-3). I am not alone and you, if you’ve trusted Christ, aren’t, either. He is there, always taking care of us. He is our strength when we haven’t got any. He’s our trust when all looks dark. And He has already given His all so that we can have the best life ever – painful changes included.

Change of Plans

We've all heard of Mapquest. A handy little online tool where you type in the address of your location and that of where you're intending on going. Then you hit "Get Directions" and ta-da! You've got your "Get to the Movie Theater in 20 Easy Steps." How convenient, especially for those of us who need to know exactly when to turn left ("In 3.1 miles"). 

Why can't there be a Mapquest for Life? I think it might look a little like this...

Point A: Negative 20 Discontent Lane, Not So Great, USA
Point B: 110 Percent Drive, Apt. Completely Satisfied, Ideal Life, Money

And the we could just click "Get Directions" and be on our way to a better life with a few simple turns. 

If you had asked me four years ago where I intended to be now, my answer would have been, "Married to a rich guy, at least one kid (maybe one on the way), never wanting for anything and never having to work a day in my life because my husband's just that stinkin' rich." And oh, how I've laughed at myself for those plans. You see, my life took a completely different turn. I wanted to go left, but God? He decided my life needed to take a right. Fast forward four years and I'm not married (so, no kids. Not even prospects of rich bachelors) and I still live with my parents, with no amazing multi-million dollar job on the horizon.

There are days that I get down about the fact that I'm not where I wanted to be. And then God gently reminds me that where I am hasn't taken Him by surprise and, in fact, He's going to use it. I just need to focus on being content and testing the doors He shows me are available. 

So when God changes our plans, when He tells us to turn where we want to go straight and take a detour when we'd rather wait for construction to be completed, what is our response? Do we force our Journey to a stand-still and wait for a "better" option (as if anything's better than God's best!)? Or do we choose to trust our Guide and follow His instructions, even if they seem to be taking us miles away from our dreams? I'll tell ya, as I follow God and trust His directions, He's showing me why I'm not as ready as I thought I was for a different life. He's also teaching me that my idea of "good" is incomparable to His idea of best. So let's trust our Guide and let's enjoy this Journey, because it's through the detours and unexpected turns that we learn the most.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and A FUTURE."

- Jeremiah 29:11

The Veil Between

In his book, "The Pursuit of God," A.W. Tozer writes about the two different kinds of veils that are or have ever existed between God and mankind. The first veil was in the temple separating the Holy of Holies (where God's Presence abided) from the rest of the temple. This veil was not some thin piece of fabric, but woven from yarn. On the day Jesus Christ was crucified, at the exact moment of His death, there was an earthquake and this veil was torn. I believe that that signified the most beautiful result of Christ's death, burial and resurrection: Open communion with God. No longer did we need a human priest to act as mediator between us and God; Jesus Christ became that Priest and the ultimate Mediator (1 Timothy 2:5). God took the first step to bridge the gap between Himself and mankind by giving His Son. Praise God we can now come before Him at anytime with anything!

The second veil that Tozer writes about - and the one I want to spend a little more time talking to you about - is the veil that believers put up between God and themselves. 

Tozer writes, "It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close-woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross." (p.44)

My first reaction was, "I don't have one of those! I'm completely open with God all the time." And then my Jiminiy Cricket (that is, my Conscience) was so kind as to ask, very sarcastically, "Really? All the time, huh? You never hide - or try to hide - anything from God? Ever?" My reply was simply to hang my inner head in shame because I knew that, more often than not, I'm doing everything I can think of to prevent God from seeing some of the darkest secrets I possess. 
But I am reminded of a verse in the Bible that speaks on this matter. It's found in 2 Samuel 16, the chapter when God chooses David to be the next king. 

In verse 7, God says to His servant Samuel, who thinks that any number of David's older brothers would be perfect, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV, emphasis mine)

What this reminds me of is that it's easy to convince the people around me that I'm great, that I'm on top of life spiritually. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot convince God (and I think I often try harder to hide my "true" self from Him than from others). 

I'm sharing this because, in the last couple of days since I read this bit in Tozer's book, it's a truth that is becoming evident in my Journey with God. He has been faithfully pointing out the various things I try to keep from Him, gently reminding me that it's working just about as well as an elephant hiding behind a telephone pole. He reminds me that He doesn't demand perfection, but that He desires an honest, open relationship with me. A relationship where I'm in constant communication with Him, being candid about my struggles. He would rather I bring my struggling self before Him rather than try to fix it on my own.

I definitely have not got this down yet, but that's the beautiful thing about Journeys: They're composed of many miles - even some backtracking after a wrong turn. But God, being the patient Guide He is, is always faithful to show us the way back to the main route. But He's not going to force us back. The choice is ours: Will we continue to keep the veil in place that makes in nearly impossible to follow God's guidance or will we tear down that veil, opening ourselves up to God completely? Let me be the first to say that, in choosing Option B, we will find the Journey with God to be that much more enjoyable. 

After all, a GPS is more effective if you aren't hiding it with your hand.

The Definition of a Journey

En Route to Taquamenon Falls

Hello, I'm LB. If we were meeting for the first time, I would probably comment on your name or where you were from. So allow me to say that you have a lovely name and where you're from must be amazing because, after all, that's where YOU'RE from, isn't it? ;)

If you read my profile, it can tell you a thing or two about what I like to do, the movies I watch and the music I listen to. But those things don't define me any more than your hometown defines you. You see, my first "definition," if you will, came long before I was born; before I was even a twinkle in my momma's eye. My first definition was set down before the beginning of time by the Creator of time. God, my heavenly Father, knew long before I was conceived who I would be today. He knew what I would look like, that I would be the youngest of four children and the dreams and desires I would have. 

God also knew that, at seven years old, I would make the best decision ever: To accept His awesome gift of grace, the sacrifice of His one and only Son, Jesus. This was a sacrifice made out of love to a world so lost without it. God knew that, because of the sin of mankind - the bad things we do, say and think - we could never spend eternity with Him. He also knew that the consequence of that sin and its only payment was death (Romans 6:23). But because He loved us so very much, God sent His Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life on this earth and to die a painful death and to raise from the dead three days later. This sacrifice of Jesus paid the price for my sin and all I had to do was trust that it was enough (John 3:16). And I did that at seven years old. And that is when my Journey began and when I acquired the truest and best definition: Child of the one true King.

So, this Journey I keep mentioning is the story of me walking step-by-step with my Creator. There are days when I'm out-of-step, or eve standing completely still. But there are also days when I feel so free of this world and so in love with my Creator that I no longer walk, but I fly. It is my desire to share this journey with you, so that you may be able to find some pieces of encouragement and even entertainment as you read. I will not promise that all things will be serious all the time because that would be completely unnatural for me. But I can promise that you will never want for laughs or, at the very least, a smile or two.

I welcome you to pull up a chair, our cup of coffee in hand, and let's share our Journeys together.