Take My Coin Upon You

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile but I got busy and life was chaotic. And it never really felt like the right time, but this morning I think it is right. I'll explain later. For now, let's carry on.

So my last day of babysitting before the Christmas break was a few weeks ago and something happened with the little one that is stamped on my memory. The little tyke had her arms full - toys under one arm, sippy cup under the other. But she still wanted this little plastic coin that we had been playing with even though there really was no way she could fit it in with everything else she was holding. I looked at her and I said, "Why don't you give me everything you're holding on to and then you'll be able to play with this coin much easier." But do you think that was a satisfactory compromise to her? No way. The incident lasted all of a few moments before she moved on to something else, but I didn't move on with her because of how this impacted me. 

It made me think of my relationship with God. I'm living my life here on this earth desperately trying to hold on to everything I think I need to carry: my anxieties, my dreams, my fears, my failures. I have a firm grasp on all of this because if I let go, it will crumble. But God looks at me attempting to carry the weight of the world and He holds out His little plastic coin and says, "Take my yoke upon you, for it's easy and my burden is light." My response? I ask Him to find a place for it in my arms full of burdens.

This is going to be a short post today, but I still stand by my decision that today was the right time. Perhaps because many people around me are carrying the heavy burden of no electricity. Or perhaps because it's Christmas and we often receive more gifts than we know what to do with, so our arms are literally full. Whatever our burden this Christmas, let us make the choice to exchange it fort he rest and freedom that are found in Christ. I am in no way intending to belittle what you're going through - as my family says, "Everyone's big stuff is big for them" - but I want to encourage you with the reminder that God's shoulders are big enough and strong enough to carry the weight of your world. He just wants you to be freed from your heavy burdens.

In fact, that's why He sent His son - to relieve us of our burden of sin. And Christ is the reason we celebrate Christmas. Isn't that the best gift ever?

Merry Christmas everyone!

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

~ Matthew 11:28-30 ~

15 Years in the Making: A Story of Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Not much of a surprise, huh? After all, you've been reading posts on blogs, Facebook and Twitter, not to mention seeing ads about it on TV, the internet or in the paper. This post is not about my favorite food or 10 Ways to Relieve Thanksgiving Stress. Today, like everyone will tomorrow, I want to talk about what I most thankful for. I know some of you might be thinking, "Oh goodness, I don't care!!" but please read this, because it's something I feel I should share.

In the past, when I've been asked what I'm most thankful for, I've either given the "normal" reply:  friends, family, food. Or I've given the "spiritual" reply: God's love, mercy, freedom to read Scripture and go to Church. Now, none of these are bad things to be thankful for. In fact, we should be because they are all blessings that some people don't have. However, I don't know that I ever put much thought into what I was thankful for. All that has changed this week. *epic music plays*

Sunday morning, my Pastor preached a message about remembering and celebrating God's gift of salvation. It stuck with me because I do not give thanks as I often as I should for what Christ did for me on the cross. In short, Pastor shared that we're to remember the day we trusted Christ because it's the day God led us from enslavement to sin and into His glorious freedom. At the close, he challenged us to share our story, because that is one of the best ways to commemorate that day of salvation. Now, I went back to my first blog post and I realized I briefly shared my story with all of you once before but I'm going to share it again with a little more depth and for a different reason. I want to show you what I'm thankful for and why.

 

On July 1, 1991, my parents received a beautiful baby girl who perfectly completed their family (my three older siblings would disagree, but there were two boys and one girl! Another girl perfected that. Hehehe.) However, as I grew up, it became obvious that I was nowhere near perfect, as no human being is. But I thank God that my parents were Christians who immersed me in the Bible from day one, at home and at Church (every Sunday and every Wednesday). Because of this, I heard the story of Jesus from a young, young age. How He gave up everything He had in heaven to become a helpless baby here on earth who would grow up, living a perfect life (the only human to do so) and dying an excruciating death on the cross in order to pay the price that our sins cost (which is death). When I was seven, I trusted Christ as my personal Savior, believing that His death on the cross was enough to pay for my sin. I remember I had been watching a video on Creation that day and just bawling and my mom praying with me and whatnot. While that's when my journey as a Christian began, it has taken many twists and turns over the years. And I'd really like to share them with you because their part of the story God's writing for me.

Being young, I don't think I understood what it looked like to live a life as a Christian, with God at the center. But around thirteen, I was old enough for our junior high youth group at Church, which was led by my Pastor's son and daughter-in-law. This was when things started becoming real and I could tell that God wanted to work on me and I was good with that, seeking counsel from my leaders and such. Within a couple of years, my youth was deployed and it was really hard because a) he was like my brother and b) he was going into a dangerous situation where he could be killed. But off he went and a new chapter in my Christian journey started. 

Through no one's fault but my own, I entered into a season of spiritual rebellion that would last until I was nineteen. When I look back on those years it breaks my heart because I remember not caring. I didn't care about people or going to Church; I treated my family like dirt and I only went to Church because I was forced to (another thing I'm thankful for). But I especially didn't care about God or what He wanted or how I should live my life to please Him. I cared only about myself, my stuff and looking good to others. This apathy lasted for years and it was exhausting.

At nineteen, I went off to Bible College in the state of Wyoming. I would have gone at eighteen, the fall after I graduated high school, but my mother, who was actively seeking God's will on the matter, decided He wanted me to wait a year and I was cool with that. So my parents drove me to school and we got to registration and I was introduced to my RA who was super bubbly and talkative and I was thinking, "Ok, this won't be too bad. I can probably get along with her." That evening the school had a picnic supper and I sat with RA and we got to talking and for the first time ever, I opened up to someone about all my apathy and how my relationship with God was pretty much non-existent. Now if you know me, you know I am an open person and I can talk your ear off. But if you really know me, you know that I'm not like that when I first meet someone. It generally takes me a bit to talk that much and that deeply, not because I don't trust them, but because I don't want to scare them away. So opening up to my RA who I had known for less than twelve hours was a big deal. But it was definitely a God-thing because over the next two weeks He started to break down the barriers in my heart and I wanted Him to. So began the long process that He and I continue to work on.

Over the next three years I learned so much from personal experiences that I had. I learned what it feels like to be alive and to care about living a life that pleases God. I learned what it meant to know Him, to know His Word, to hear Him speak comfort to my heart when it's breaking. Honestly, I fell in love with my Creator. Like any relationship, though, it was possible to be unfaithful and I would go through stretches where I ignored Him but I would come back. The summers for instance were prime times for that kind of thing because I wasn't at school where the air is just electrified by God and His Word. Summer of 2011 I call the "Summer of Blackness" because it was an awful summer as I tried to adjust to being home. But the summer of 2012 I call "Summer of Growth." I counseled at a camp that summer and God grew me in ways I didn't expect. So the Seasons of Apathy became shorter and shorter. Until the second semester of my senior year.

I don't know if it was because I just wanted to be done or because that year already had been very difficult, but early on in my second semester, I felt the apathy start to set in. I ignored it and kept reading my Bible and being a "good Christian" which helped to some extent. But my Apathy always starts internally, in the deepest, darkest parts of my heart. I started to not care again about pleasing God, but I didn't let it show and I wouldn't talk about it. The way I dealt with it was by isolating myself, knowing that if I wasn't around thriving Christians I could convince myself I was doing ok. I went on like that for months and I graduated and I thought, "Now I'll have time to get things straight with God." But it didn't work out how I anticipated and because life wasn't going how I expected, the Apathy just went into full swing over this summer. Until a couple months ago.

I plugged into a new church and I think the change of scene really opened a door for God to speak to my heart again and He started to do that. The last couple of months have still been rocky because I still fight my natural self every day. But especially the last couple of days, I'm learning what it really means to live a life that pleases God, to submit control to Him and to be open to His working when He needs to change things. It is bliss and contentment and peace to fellowship with my Creator.

I realize that this post was long and seemed to have had nothing whatsoever to do with Thanksgiving, but telling you my story was really the foundation for the purpose of this post. In this post, I wanted to share with you what I'm thankful for this year. This year I am so thankful that God loved me enough to send His Son to die for my sin 2000 years ago. Even though He knew that I would rebel and would love the world more than Him, He still did it. I am thankful for His unconditional love, mercy, grace, forgiveness. I'm thankful that He has power over sin and that He cares about me too much to leave me where I am. I am thankful that I can have a deep, thriving relationship with the God who holds the universe in His hand. 

And I share my story with you so you can maybe appreciate a little bit why all these attributes of God impact me so much; why I sit here with tears running down my cheeks as I praise Him for holding on to me when I let go of Him. 

I share all of this with you because maybe you're a Christian who has been or is in a place where you've chosen to ignore God, not caring about living for Him. I want you to know that no matter how many steps you've taken away from Him it is only one step back because He is standing right there with open arms, ready to receive you back. And you don't have to clean yourself up, you just gotta let Him do that and He will.

I share this especially for those who might read this who haven't trusted Christ. Maybe you've been turned off to Christianity by "all the hypocrites" or because you think it means not having fun or you think you have to be perfect before God will accept you. I want you to see through my story how every believer has a tendency to be hypocritical because we know others struggle but we don't want them to know we do (which is why I was honest here about my struggles). I want you to see through my story that a full life is only found in Christ. You can run after so much and try to fill yourself with everything the world has to offer, but it will only leave you empty. And I want you to see through my story that God loves you even if you've messed up and He sent His only Son to die on a cross so that you wouldn't have to pay the price for your sin. And you don't have to do anything to earn that! All you have to do is trust that His death was enough.

To the Christians reading this, I challenge you to share your story, especially with someone who doesn't know what God has done. It is the best way to celebrate what He did for you.

And to everyone who's asked this year "What are you thankful for?" stop and give thought to what you have to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

p.s. Oh and by the way, Saturday, November 30th, marks the 15th anniversary of the beginning of my journey with God. Who knew it would be so epic! And the best part? It ain't done yet ;)

Clearing the Hurdles: Perseverance and Pie

*Disclaimer: I wrote this two months ago but only now has it become relevant. I felt like I needed to tell you that...*

At the time that I’m writing this, I have an amazing-looking Dutch apple pie baking in the oven. Once I’d gotten the filling in the crust and the crumb-topping atop it, I stood back to check it out for a moment. And boy did my mouth start watering! As beautiful as this pie will probably look once it’s done, it was not an easy make. I didn’t just snap my fingers or say “presto!” and have it magically appear, contents all perfectly put together, oven-ready (If it was THAT easy, don’t you think I’d just have it already be baked??). No, there was a lot of work that went into it. Honestly this pie that will take less than an hour to bake took about four hours to prepare.

First my mom and I had to cut, core and peel the apples. We didn’t use store-bought apples but the fruit of our own trees. This means that there were buggy spots and bruises to be cut out, filling the majority of the three hours we spent on this step. Next, there was slicing the already cut apples to thinner slices to fill about seven cups. Once this was done, it was some sugar, flour, cinnamon and a pinch of nutmeg thrown together with the apples to make a spicy filling. Pour that in the pie crust (which, regrettably, we used store-bought to cut down on time and mess) and then it was on to the streusel topping.
Here is where I found inspiration for this post. You see I had just mixed my flour, brown sugar and cinnamon and was working away at the task of “cutting in” a stick of butter. Now, we don’t own a pastry blender, so I was being a good sport with two butter knives. I have to tell you something vital. In the past when I’ve been following a recipe that calls for cutting in butter, I usually start but then give up quickly because it never looks how I envision. Today, though, was different; I stuck it out and kept cutting away past the point when I would have normally given up. So I’m doing my thing and I’m watching the knives do what they’re supposed to do with the butter and the rest of the ingredients and I exclaim to my mom, “Wow. It’s actually looking right! Normally, I just give up!” And my mom uttered the words that became the idea for this blog post (I’m paraphrasing): “Of course it does. You just gotta persevere. Yes, ‘it’s hard work,’ (she was quoting something I’d said early on in the butter cutting in process) but that’s a big part of adult life. It’s not all just fun, there’s a lot of hard work. But from the hard work comes the really good stuff.”  


This is not actually my pie. Just a pretty picture.

 This made me stop and think over the last few hours (and even more before that, since my mom did the hard work of actually getting the apples together from the trees) and all the hard work that was going into this pie that will, hopefully, be absolutely delicious. I thought about all my aches and pains from cutting the apples (boy do my fingers and wrists hurt!) and decided that it was worth it. I will get to see the “fruit” (see what I did there?) of this labor in a matter of minutes and I bet that will be the best apple pie I will have ever had.
So what’s the point of this story? Well, I wanted to share another way to get past those roadblocks of life See, if we trust God and follow Him, allowing Him to help us over the many hurdles in our Journey (such as Bitterness, Fear and Discontent) we will eventually be rewarded with huge blessings in our lives. But it takes being willing to do the hard things. My encouragement to you is this: Push on – with God’s help – past the roadblocks of life and you will have a warm apple pie to celebrate with. Or something like that.

Clearing the Hurdles: Positive Discontent

In my last post, I shared my final roadblock: Negative Discontent. Today, I'm going to share about one tool that can be used to surmount these obstacles. I am labeling this tool "Positive Discontent."

The other day, I explained this form of discontent using the example of wanting a better job and taking steps toward getting that job rather than complaining all the time. While some of the changes in my life have been fueled simply by a desire for something better, there are other changes - many of which are still in the process of being made - that are fueled by something bigger than me. My motivation comes from the prodding of the Holy Spirit. If it weren't for His direction, there are things I never would have done or will do. I'd like to share some examples.

Example #1: Going to Bible college. Even though I waited a year after I graduated high school, my spiritual state had not changed in that time. I was just as apathetic about God's will as I had been since Junior High. So going off to Bible school where I knew I was going to be in a very "Christian" environment was not exactly at the top of my Bucket List. But despite the fact I wasn't nurturing a relationship with Him, when I cried out to God for a hint as to His will on the matter, He made it very clear that Bible College was what He wanted for me. So off I went to Wyoming and the rest is history but it's not a choice I would have made on my own.

Example #2: Switching churches. I grew up in a tiny country church where everyone was like family and everyone loved me. They supported me in so many ways when I went off to college and I'm thoroughly convinced that if it weren't for their prayers, I wouldn't have survived even half of the stuff that happened in my three years there. After I counselled at camp this summer, I came home knowing I would be home for a while. I started going back to my home church, but it wasn't the same and it didn't feel right. This created a lot of discontent in me so I decided to try out my other option for a church: Going with my grandparents to their rather large, city-based church. I found that I could connect better with God there, so I chose to switch churches. Now, this isn't a perfect example of Positive Discontent, because I would have made the switch anyways, regardless of what God thought (not exactly excited to admit that, but I'm all about being honest and I figured you should know that). But it is a fairly decent example because I did seek God's desire on the matter and I made sure my heart was right as I made the switch. And it was an amazing choice because I've been able to plug in with a group of people my age and start making spiritual connections like I had when I was at school.

Example #3: Testing the waters of ministry. This is a change that is still in the works, though I have done ministry in the past and enjoyed it. But the specific form of ministry I feel God prodding me to try is inner city children's ministry. Throughout all my negative discontent this summer and fall, I knew that the basic reason was because I was aware of want God wanted me to do but very much unwilling to do it. This is the best example I have of Positive Discontent because I am slowly reaching my toes to the edge of those waters, but only because I know it's something God wants and I know that as long I put it off, I won't be content with where I am in life.

Now I challenge you to consider your life. Is there some change you want you to make for the better because you don't like where you are? Just take a baby step in that direction. Want a better job? Research the qualifications you'll need. Want to go on a cruise? Start saving today, remembering that every little bit counts. Want to lose weight? "Eat less, move more." You can change the things you don't like about your life simply by taking steps in that direction.

Now look at your heart. Maybe you've been feeling God tugging you a certain direction. No matter what you do, you won't be able to escape that tug. Sure, you may learn to ignore it, but you will be miserable. Instead, take a step towards what He wants, praying all the time for His direction. See what He does.

I'm aware that I make this all sound so easy; like any goal can be reached in three simple steps. But it's not easy at all. There will be times our resolve won't be enough and as soon as we've taken one step forward, we'll take three steps back. We will face fear and doubts and we'll want to just run back to our comfort zone where we're safe. But we can't! We must keep going, focusing on why we want to change what we're working to change, relying on God's strength to help us. So think on that Positive Discontent and let God use it to show you what needs to change. Then take the first step.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
- Chinese Proverb

Roadblock: Negative Discontent

Everyone knows what it's like not to be where you want to be. Maybe your job isn't your dream job. Or perhaps the number on the scale isn't as low as you'd like it to be. Or maybe you don't have the funds for that special something you've been dying to do for years. Many people would argue that discontent is wanting what you don't have. I would say there's two different forms of discontent, a negative form and a positive form. I'm going to write about one today and the other later this week. The first is when you focus on your desire for what you don't have. For instance, say you'd rather have a different job and all you think about all the time is how awful your current job is and how much better a different job would be. That would be a picture of negative discontent. But say you want a different job and instead of complaining and focusing on how bad you have it, you allow that desire to fuel your actions and you start taking steps towards getting a better job (job searching, further training, etc.). That is what I would call "positive discontent." Today, I want to honestly share about the affects Negative Discontent have had in my life lately as a challenge to all of us as we find ourselves in a place we didn't plan to be.

Over the months since I graduated college, I have been overwhelmed by the negative discontent I've allowed to take root in my heart. I have so often focused on what I want that I don't have: A "significant other," a great job, lots of money, a license, a car and the list could go on and on and on. Where my focus is really does affect my life. It has made me angry - at myself and others. It's been the motivation for my personal Pity Parties (sorry you weren't invited - you were probably getting married or buying nice stuff). Negative discontent has done its best to make me a selfish, self-centered, self-serving human being. 

And that's what this kind of discontent does. You begin to think of no one else but Number One and how best to take care of that person. Or maybe you begin to think of no one else but Number One and how much of failure they are. It's because they didn't do this and this and this that they aren't where you want them to be. Or you think of Number One and how much they aren't like all the rest when they really should be. They should look like Them, dress like Them, please Them. And yet, Number One doesn't. Number One just sits there and doesn't do anything but grumble and complain about how life isn't what it should be. This is how I have felt a lot, especially over the last two months. I convinced myself that everyone around me is happier than I am and they have it better off and I began to focus on what I must have done to deserve where I am. 

How do you prevent this discontent? Or if you wake up one day and realize it's taken control of your life, how do you break free? The answer to both of these is simply stated, yet oh so difficult to put into action: Submitting to the control of the Holy Spirit.

First, let's lay some ground rules about submission, because I know people tend to hate that word. Really, it's not a bad thing. To submit is to willingly place yourself under the authority of another. What we're going to talk about today is choosing to walk the way God directs us through His Word and handling life situations by looking for His desire. That's what I mean when I talk about submission.

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about how this can prevent discontent. If we choose to place our lives under the control of the Holy Spirit, we will soon realize that where we are might just be where God wants us at this time in our lives. Remember Jeremiah 29:11? God promises that He has a plan for His people, and where we are may be part of that plan. Maybe He has things to teach us that we wouldn't learn if we had everything we wanted. Recognizing this fact is the most effective prevention of discontent. 

But we don't always catch the discontent when it first begins. Often, it's not until life outside of myself is affected that I notice the dung heap that is Discontent. It begins to permeate everything you say and do, how you treat others, how you spend your time, what you focus on. I just tend to ignore the inner turmoil until it's called out by something or someone outside of myself; then I begin to pay attention. But it's always so hard to come back from that point because you've gotten used to all those emotions and thoughts and desires. How do you turn back from that? By choosing contentment. "Fake it til you feel it" is something my mom likes to say and I find that it's very applicable to this situation. You start telling yourself - and I often tell God, too, even though He knows it's not completely true - that you like where you are, what you do and what you have. You tell yourself you don't need anything else. This is making the choice to be content. Stick it out and you will start to feel it. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later. But those emotions will come when you suddenly see that you really don't need anything but what you have and even most of what you have is just a blessing God has seen fit to give you. Then, you realize that God's got a plan and He can use where you are; He wants to use where you are.

Negative Discontent is often a major roadblock in the Journey of Life. How do we handle it? Do we take the right turns to avoid it so as to continue on the path God's laid for us? Or do we just sit there, blaring our horn to let everyone know we don't like where we are? Or do we accept that we have all we need, let off the horn and turn around? How will we - how will you - react to Discontent today?

Roadblock: Fear

It grips you tightly with icy fingers, seeming to drain the warmth from the inside of your body and causing voluntary movement to be impossible. It clenches your throat and chest, making it difficult to breathe. Whether it's waking up from a nightmare, hearing an unusual noise outside your window after dark, or watching a scary movie, we know this feeling that is fear. Every single one of us has been scared of something at some time in our lives. We can easily list things that are our "Greatest Fears" and they influence our lives to some extent. Perhaps they keep us awake at night, or cause us to choose not to watch those thrillers. Or maybe they just keep us out of the bathroom and so safely away from the beloved, little eight-legged creature in the tub. Whatever the fear, it tends to be a big part of how we live our life.

What about spiritual fears? The fear of relinquishing control of our lives to an invisible God. Or the fear of stepping out of our comfort zone. The fear of failing God and those around us who think we're doing great in our walk. Or even the fear of succeeding at something you weren't sure about and thus altering your life forever. I have possessed all of these fears at the same time. Correction: I still possess all these fears. And up until a couple of weeks ago, I let them dictate my life to an extreme.

But I promise you that these fears are not pathological, meaning I do have good reasons for them. Let me explain. Control? I like to have at least one of my hands on the steering wheel. I mean, I have to make sure God knows when to turn! And stepping out of my comfort zone? That's not a very attractive action. I like knowing my boundaries and knowing what's coming and feeling safe and secure. Then there's failure...I need to measure up to my own standards, even in the eyes of my Creator. To let myself fail even one self-expectation is to incur the disappointment and anger of those around me, including God. Success...That one is a little more difficult to find a realistic basis...Oh, I got it! Because if I discover I'm actually good at something that, say, glorifies God and encourages those around me, I would feel obligated to follow through on it.

Alright, so I'm sure you picked up my sarcasm, but in honesty, those are the exact reasons for these fears I have. I like to choose what to do with my life, where it's going to go, and what's going to happen. I like to be in charge because then I have nothing to fear. Or so it would seem. You see, living in fear isn't really living. It's allowing your shortcomings and your circumstances to dictate what you do with your life, how you interact with people, how you interact with God. To be afraid is to not trust. This is something I'm learning and I have wanted to share with you.

I'm into opposites, alright? Somehow, if I'm trying to decided how to change something, it helps for me to realize what the opposite is of whatever I'm doing wrong. In this case, after a lot of prayer and introspection, I realized that the only thing to counter my fear is to trust God. I agree that this is much easier said than done. To help us absorb this, I have a quote I'd like to share from Chuck Swindoll's book, Living the Proverbs. In his discussion on Proverbs 3:5-6, he writes,

"Trust refers to mentally and emotionally throwing oneself facedown on the ground - casting all hopes for the present and the future upon another, finding provision and security there...The term heart has little to do with the blood-pumping organ in your chest. The word is instead used throughout the Old Testament to refer to our inner self, that part of us that constitutes the seat of our intellect, emotion, and will: our conscience and our personality. So what is the Lord saying? He is saying we are to cast ourselves upon our Savior-God in complete trust, not holding back in any area of our mind or will or feeling." (p.41-43)

That hit me where it hurt when I read it. But it also encouraged me. God used these words to articulate what it means to trust Him. It means to be willing to put every particle of myself in His hands, recognizing that He is all-powerful but also all-loving; that He has my best interests at heart, just like Jeremiah 29:11 says:

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." (The Message)

We can trust God because He knows what He's doing. And we should trust Him because what He wants for us is the best we could ever hope for. What we want won't be able to hold a candle to the Journey God has planned for us.

 

So my challenge is not only for those who are reading this, but for the girl writing it as well: Sit back, relax. Take your hand off the wheel, be willing for God to take you places you're not sure of. He can show you so much about yourself and about life and what it means to truly live if your'e just willing to deny your fear and trust Him.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, andacknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified)

Roadblock: Bitterness

Most of us know what it's like to be on our way somewhere and have some reckless driver do something foolish that affects us. Maybe he ran a red light, putting you and himself in danger. Or maybe he cut you off, which might also end up painfully. Or maybe, just maybe, he only did something that just annoyed you a little bit but didn't really hurt you, like honking his horn at you when you hesitated at a green light. We've probably all experienced these things - whether from the driver seat or passenger seat. I want you to focus on those emotions for a second (I'm fairly sure you can recall them easily). There's probably some frustration or even a little bit of anger? Yeah, those emotions.Just as there are moments on the literal road when these occur, there's times during our Journey of life when we experience similar feelings. 

Lately, some of the "cut-offs" and "annoying honks" I've experienced in my personal Journey have been going through my head. I feel as if, every week, there's something new. And my tendency is to hang on to these, allowing the second-long offenses to fester inside until they grow to a big, ugly roadblock called Bitterness, rather than just letting go and moving on. It's not as if this Bitterness doesn't have warning signs, 'cause it does. "Make a U-turn to mercy" or "Danger: Roadblock ahead. Forgive or continue at your own risk." Those pop up, but what do I do? Ignore them. Because, honestly, it's so much easier to keep going down that road than turn around and...forgive? No way!

But God doesn't call us to the Path of Bitterness. In fact, He commands us to make a turn and change our route. Paul tells us very clearly in Ephesians 4 to "[forgive] each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (v. 29). Isn't much clearer than that, is it? I've always read this verse and been, like, "Whatever. I don't struggle with bitterness," knowing full well I did. Today, however, something changed. I was sitting there reading for my devotions today (which, "coincidentally," concerned pity and mercy...more on that in a moment) and I was instructed to read several passages that talked about the nature of God's forgiveness. It hit me that His forgiveness is total and complete. He doesn't hang on to anything; He lets go. Most of the time, passages like Psalm 51 and 103 bring comfort to my heart because they're awesome reminders of God mercy and forgiveness. But today, they stung because God had already been showing me that I was harboring some bitterness. I could feel Him calling me to let go, telling me, "I am the one who sets the standard for forgiveness. I paved the way by forgiving you of everything you've ever done. I did this so that you would be able to see how much you should and can forgive those who hurt you." I was extremely humbled.

So can I encourage you today to seek your heart, looking for the warning sings en route to Roadblock Bitterness? If you see them, seek God's strength and help to make a u-turn right now and choose forgiveness. Or perhaps you know fully well that you've hit that roadblock and you can't find a way around. I'll tell you right now that the only way to continue your Journey successfully is to seek God's help for forgiveness. I'll share with you what my personal prayer is: "God, give me a forgiving and merciful spirit." That's all. I can guarantee that if you are truly willing to change, a simple prayer like this (prayed multiple times a day - anytime you feel the bitterness taking hold) coupled with allowing His Word on the matter to impact you, you will see results. It's hard and very annoying because you will WANT to be angry, but its' so good.

I mentioned that my devotion today was about pity and mercy. I bring this up, because the author made some great points that helped me develop this illustration regarding pity and mercy. Pity is putting yourself in the other person's shoes and considering how that person feels and how they would wish to be treated. I know this is a very difficult task, but to help me I thought about how I would want to be treated if I hurt someone like they hurt me. This is often humbling because I would want forgiveness and a second - or a thousandth - chance. Now mercy is the action you take towards that person based on the discoveries you made through pity. It's like a cause and effect - pity causes the effect of mercy.

So, today, let us be on the lookout for the warnings of the Roadblock of Bitterness and be proactive in fighting it through prayer and the strength of God's Word and God Himself.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 

He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever; 

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities."

Psalm 103:8-10

Being Candid about Road Rage

Lately, I've been on an "Unplanned-Changes-on-the-Journey-of-Life" kick as I've posted my blogs. Today, though, I want to share a different aspect about the same thing. But please, bear with me. I've already said all there's to be said about unexpected turns, but I want to be completely honest with you about how we handle the unexpected; about how I've handled it. 

As I've made clear, I'm traveling a different road than I thought I'd be on. But would you believe, for all my amazing advice I've shared, I haven't handled it well at all! In fact, I want to kind of highlight the last...oh, say, month. Actually, I believe it goes further back than that even. I'm actually fairly sure it goes back to the end of June. Anyways, here we go.

So, at the end of June I began a six week stint of helping out a Bible camp. An amazing place full of wonderful, encouraging people. It's a good place to be, right? A great place to minister! And I knew this because, last summer, I experienced that. I grew in my walk with God, I visibly impacted kids for Christ and it was just awesome. But this summer was different. I didn't really tell many people, but the whole six weeks I didn't always feel like I was supposed to be there. That's all I'm going to say about that, because I don't know if it was because I was not a great point spiritually or what and I do know that God taught me through it. But I'm beginning to suspect, as I look back, that it had just a little something to do with being done at Bible School and having to step out into "The Real World" when camp was over.

 



You see, until last week, I didn't realize that I was very angry. I can sort of pinpoint the beginnings of this anger to sometime during the course of my final semester at school. I remember getting irritated so easily but instead of just that normal inner frustration, the frustration was accompanied by heat. Inner heat - I'd never experienced that. Fast forward to last week when I became aware of it and started to connect the dots (because I recognized the intense emotions while I was at school, but I hadn't associated them with everything I'd been feeling over the summer). I'm laying there on my bed one morning, not wanting to be productive at all and I found myself just bawling for the second day in a row (now, that's weird even for me, an emotional person). So I just started trying to find the root of my lack of motivation, my desire to be alone all the time, and the fact that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with God. When I came up with the word "anger," I had to then ask myself, "Who am I angry at?" And two people came to mind. I was angry with myself for having not taken steps that I could have taken so that I might be somewhere different in my life. And I was angry with God because He was allowing me to be where I didn't want to be. And this is the whole point of today's post.

I know I talked a big talk about how we should go with God's changes, realizing they're for the better. But I want you to know that I recognize that it's not as easy as hitting the turn signal. That, being the emotional, intellectual and willful beings we are, we struggle when things don't go the way we planned. And all of us react some way. Kudos to those who react in a way that glorifies God; that is awesome. But I know that most people go through a period of denial. I don't know that my response to God's will could especially be labeled "Denial," because I would call it a Temper Tantrum or Road Rage, even. And I share this with you so you realize I am human, too, and I did not follow my own advice. Instead of trust, there was a huge amount of doubt, fear, anger and bitterness towards God for the direction my life is taking.

Now, I'm aware that this would be an awful place to end this blog, but don't worry, I'm not going to. I just want to encourage those of you who are facing painful changes in your lives. Don't get hung up by the negative reaction you may have had. Acknowledge it's there and then take steps towards God. He's awesome about supporting us when we're struggling and wanting to help us. He wants to teach us through the difficulties. And I promise that, if you're going it with God, things will get better in time. It'll get easier to accept where He has you and to start looking for what He wants to teach you. Just take it one mile (or day) at a time :)

Painful Changes on the Journey

“I miss the Shire. I spent all my childhood pretending I was somewhere else – off with you on one of your adventures. But my own adventure turned out to be quite different.” – Frodo

Who can’t identify with this statement? Who is exactly where they expected to be when they were five years old? I know I’m not. I'm aware that I wrote about the changes on a Journey in my last Blog, but it’s something that has been in and out of my thoughts since. It came back to me the other day while I was watching “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.” Frodo, the main character, says this to his Uncle Bilbo as they’re discussing the adventures that one encounters. Obviously, Frodo’s expectations were not met by reality. Instead, he undergoes many painful changes in his adventure. And is this not true in our own lives?

I have already shared where I thought I would be four years ago as I started my freshman year of college. But I never shared what my mindset was one year ago. Last year, I thought that by this time in 2013, I would be in a ministry internship, headed down the road to full-time ministry someday. And what is my life? I’m at home, living an uneventful life, waiting on a call-back from a job interview for an entry-level position at a local store. Not what I thought I would be doing and definitely not what I want to be doing.

It’s easy to become discouraged. Or perhaps even angry at anybody or anything you think seems to have had a hand in bringing you to such a “low” point. Believe me, I know. I look at Frodo’s story in the “Lord of the Rings” and I see that he definitely had moments of despair and times where he felt defeated. And towards the end, he didn’t even seem to have much motivation to follow where his adventure was leading. Things had become hard and he had lost sight of the sun. But there was someone in his life that helped him to keep going; someone who gave a hand up when Frodo was too weary to move and even carried him when he’d lost all strength. And that someone was Frodo’s very dearest friend and companion, Sam. Sam was everything Frodo needed when he needed it. Sam never thought of himself, but thought only of what would be best for Frodo. Sam sacrificed so much to help Frodo continue on in the Journey he’d been called to walk.

I look at Frodo’s darkest moments and I can understand those feelings. Then I look again and see Frodo’s constant companion and I am reminded that I, too, have a constant companion on this never-ending, ever-changing Journey. I have my Creator, who has sacrificed so much (His Son) so that I would never have to be alone. Jesus Christ, my Savior, endured a painful death but thought only of the joy to come (Heb. 12:1-3). I am not alone and you, if you’ve trusted Christ, aren’t, either. He is there, always taking care of us. He is our strength when we haven’t got any. He’s our trust when all looks dark. And He has already given His all so that we can have the best life ever – painful changes included.

Change of Plans

We've all heard of Mapquest. A handy little online tool where you type in the address of your location and that of where you're intending on going. Then you hit "Get Directions" and ta-da! You've got your "Get to the Movie Theater in 20 Easy Steps." How convenient, especially for those of us who need to know exactly when to turn left ("In 3.1 miles"). 

Why can't there be a Mapquest for Life? I think it might look a little like this...

Point A: Negative 20 Discontent Lane, Not So Great, USA
Point B: 110 Percent Drive, Apt. Completely Satisfied, Ideal Life, Money

And the we could just click "Get Directions" and be on our way to a better life with a few simple turns. 

If you had asked me four years ago where I intended to be now, my answer would have been, "Married to a rich guy, at least one kid (maybe one on the way), never wanting for anything and never having to work a day in my life because my husband's just that stinkin' rich." And oh, how I've laughed at myself for those plans. You see, my life took a completely different turn. I wanted to go left, but God? He decided my life needed to take a right. Fast forward four years and I'm not married (so, no kids. Not even prospects of rich bachelors) and I still live with my parents, with no amazing multi-million dollar job on the horizon.

There are days that I get down about the fact that I'm not where I wanted to be. And then God gently reminds me that where I am hasn't taken Him by surprise and, in fact, He's going to use it. I just need to focus on being content and testing the doors He shows me are available. 

So when God changes our plans, when He tells us to turn where we want to go straight and take a detour when we'd rather wait for construction to be completed, what is our response? Do we force our Journey to a stand-still and wait for a "better" option (as if anything's better than God's best!)? Or do we choose to trust our Guide and follow His instructions, even if they seem to be taking us miles away from our dreams? I'll tell ya, as I follow God and trust His directions, He's showing me why I'm not as ready as I thought I was for a different life. He's also teaching me that my idea of "good" is incomparable to His idea of best. So let's trust our Guide and let's enjoy this Journey, because it's through the detours and unexpected turns that we learn the most.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and A FUTURE."

- Jeremiah 29:11

The Veil Between

In his book, "The Pursuit of God," A.W. Tozer writes about the two different kinds of veils that are or have ever existed between God and mankind. The first veil was in the temple separating the Holy of Holies (where God's Presence abided) from the rest of the temple. This veil was not some thin piece of fabric, but woven from yarn. On the day Jesus Christ was crucified, at the exact moment of His death, there was an earthquake and this veil was torn. I believe that that signified the most beautiful result of Christ's death, burial and resurrection: Open communion with God. No longer did we need a human priest to act as mediator between us and God; Jesus Christ became that Priest and the ultimate Mediator (1 Timothy 2:5). God took the first step to bridge the gap between Himself and mankind by giving His Son. Praise God we can now come before Him at anytime with anything!

The second veil that Tozer writes about - and the one I want to spend a little more time talking to you about - is the veil that believers put up between God and themselves. 

Tozer writes, "It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close-woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross." (p.44)

My first reaction was, "I don't have one of those! I'm completely open with God all the time." And then my Jiminiy Cricket (that is, my Conscience) was so kind as to ask, very sarcastically, "Really? All the time, huh? You never hide - or try to hide - anything from God? Ever?" My reply was simply to hang my inner head in shame because I knew that, more often than not, I'm doing everything I can think of to prevent God from seeing some of the darkest secrets I possess. 
But I am reminded of a verse in the Bible that speaks on this matter. It's found in 2 Samuel 16, the chapter when God chooses David to be the next king. 

In verse 7, God says to His servant Samuel, who thinks that any number of David's older brothers would be perfect, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV, emphasis mine)

What this reminds me of is that it's easy to convince the people around me that I'm great, that I'm on top of life spiritually. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot convince God (and I think I often try harder to hide my "true" self from Him than from others). 

I'm sharing this because, in the last couple of days since I read this bit in Tozer's book, it's a truth that is becoming evident in my Journey with God. He has been faithfully pointing out the various things I try to keep from Him, gently reminding me that it's working just about as well as an elephant hiding behind a telephone pole. He reminds me that He doesn't demand perfection, but that He desires an honest, open relationship with me. A relationship where I'm in constant communication with Him, being candid about my struggles. He would rather I bring my struggling self before Him rather than try to fix it on my own.

I definitely have not got this down yet, but that's the beautiful thing about Journeys: They're composed of many miles - even some backtracking after a wrong turn. But God, being the patient Guide He is, is always faithful to show us the way back to the main route. But He's not going to force us back. The choice is ours: Will we continue to keep the veil in place that makes in nearly impossible to follow God's guidance or will we tear down that veil, opening ourselves up to God completely? Let me be the first to say that, in choosing Option B, we will find the Journey with God to be that much more enjoyable. 

After all, a GPS is more effective if you aren't hiding it with your hand.

The Definition of a Journey

En Route to Taquamenon Falls

Hello, I'm LB. If we were meeting for the first time, I would probably comment on your name or where you were from. So allow me to say that you have a lovely name and where you're from must be amazing because, after all, that's where YOU'RE from, isn't it? ;)

If you read my profile, it can tell you a thing or two about what I like to do, the movies I watch and the music I listen to. But those things don't define me any more than your hometown defines you. You see, my first "definition," if you will, came long before I was born; before I was even a twinkle in my momma's eye. My first definition was set down before the beginning of time by the Creator of time. God, my heavenly Father, knew long before I was conceived who I would be today. He knew what I would look like, that I would be the youngest of four children and the dreams and desires I would have. 

God also knew that, at seven years old, I would make the best decision ever: To accept His awesome gift of grace, the sacrifice of His one and only Son, Jesus. This was a sacrifice made out of love to a world so lost without it. God knew that, because of the sin of mankind - the bad things we do, say and think - we could never spend eternity with Him. He also knew that the consequence of that sin and its only payment was death (Romans 6:23). But because He loved us so very much, God sent His Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life on this earth and to die a painful death and to raise from the dead three days later. This sacrifice of Jesus paid the price for my sin and all I had to do was trust that it was enough (John 3:16). And I did that at seven years old. And that is when my Journey began and when I acquired the truest and best definition: Child of the one true King.

So, this Journey I keep mentioning is the story of me walking step-by-step with my Creator. There are days when I'm out-of-step, or eve standing completely still. But there are also days when I feel so free of this world and so in love with my Creator that I no longer walk, but I fly. It is my desire to share this journey with you, so that you may be able to find some pieces of encouragement and even entertainment as you read. I will not promise that all things will be serious all the time because that would be completely unnatural for me. But I can promise that you will never want for laughs or, at the very least, a smile or two.

I welcome you to pull up a chair, our cup of coffee in hand, and let's share our Journeys together.